tgd

i have been in a bit of a rut, it's true. i'll explain later. but for now, mainly: happy thanksgiving. i'm making a cake!

just a thought

i've been in boston since june thirteenth. i have had a mini tiny nervous breakdown and a fair amount of anxiety. but it's been five months today that i've been in a situation and a place where i wake up and i am not terrified. i am not crushingly sad. i'm not depressed. life is not a weight on me.

for such a long, long, very long time, i thought that sadness was who i was. i thought i would have to make a life around the fact that everything hurt, all the time, that being alive would simply always ache. i thought if i found enough ways to mock the unhappiness or mask it or ignore it or punish myself for it or, very occasionally, wallow in it, i could get by.

this is the first time in my adult life that i am not just getting by. since i was ten years old. i can't convey how much that means to me in words - i love them passionately and with reckless abandon, but for this task they escape me. i am moving slowly in this town, it's true. but professionally, personally, domestically, even (dare i say?) sartorially: i am thriving. i am so, so proud of myself.

which is not to say i will never be depressed again. i think that would be a bit much to ask and a bit premature to state. but it has been a revelation for me to learn that eventually, it is possible to wake up and repeatedly realize that everything might just turn out okay.

it feels satisfying; i'm not gonna lie. (this is the before, if you needed reminding. yikes.) piping this weekend. also, area rug, hopefully tables, pictures, pictures, pictures.

apartment bootcamp weekend is over. during it i finally finished my sectional, painted my living room, adjusted to my new bookcase and light fixture, unpacked\sorted\consolidated (everything that needs to be dealt with is in three boxes behind my couch), and maybe started to feel at home.

i'm drawing a bath now; i have worked so incredibly hard this weekend that it is time to break out the lush products. and i opened the tiny bottle of incredibly rich muscat that i bought the week after i moved in, to be consumed when i really arrived. welcome home - i'm so proud of you.

smatterings: a teaser

my bedroom - which is somehow managing to look bohemian rather than merely neglected.



leaving the bedroom, entering the entryway



the bathroom looks dark and shady here, but is actually quite refreshing



this is my desk, with an ikea chair blocking it. more in-depth photos of it later (like when it's actually organized). the mounds of purple and cream paper are for my sister's wedding invitations



ignore the fact that all the boxes and the illest bookcase ever have been piled into the kitchen for this photo (a dramatic reenactment);



this is what i meant by sitting with my back to an empty room



my lovely kitchen hutch



and not so lovely kitchen cabinets



fin.

i will be unpacking later today, hopefully, and putting up my new light fixture. pictures of that, as well as the illest bookcase ever, later on. for now:





this is where we start.