the good fight

wednesday marks the two month anniversary of my search for an apartment.

the past week of this, in particular, has been particularly fraught. i've met with at least one agent a day the whole week, and when i found out on tuesday after benefits training that i lost a lovely one bedroom around the corner from my current sublet, on line street, i started crying at work. (yes, it was in the elevator. but it was still two weeks into the job; i need to get it together.)

then i realized that i was trying to cheat despite myself. if i am willing to wait months before buying a couch, shouldn't i take the same care with choosing a house? remembering to take the time isn't the problem: i have been. i am not willing to settle for anything less than lovely on this. what i need to do now is admit to myself that whatever i find that is worthwhile is going to take time, and accept that, and love it instead of panicking.

i need to stop despairing and trust that it will come, and that i will know it when i see it. (and that everything will align so that i can take it when i see it. as my mom keeps calling from her vacation in ghana to tell me, i only need one apartment.)

does this mean i will have roommates and sublet for longer?

yes.

does it also increase the chances that i will get exactly what i need and make it work?

when i find it, you can be the judge.

the apartment search continues. cambridge seems to be out, for my price range (i found a great job! but i would need to be making at least five grand more a year to live somewhere borderline nice, and ten thousand to be assured a great spot. which is insane, because anywhere else besides new york and san francisco, this would be a very comfortable living wage).

so: no news. i gear up to spend half my pay on housing and i'm a little anxious, wondering how i will find an apartment and turn it into a home.